My Dearest Christina,
Okay, so as I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I have been taking this Grief Share class at church. And as crazy as it sounds, I’m actually liking it. It’s not at all what I thought it was going to be. Part of the class assignments are suggested journaling topics. Since the topics are suggested, I figured it would be a good opportunity to catch up on some of my blog posts. So with that being said, let’s talk about your clothes and belongings. Hmmmmmm……………..where do I start?
Well, to start, I still have pretty much everything. Although I’ll admit that I did clean out your closet. And sweetheart!? You had WAY too many shoes!! Alexys decided that she wanted some of your shoes, so she took quite a bit. The sad thing is, some of them actually fit her pretty good. She picked out a few articles of your clothing that she liked, and then left the rest to me. Most of your closet fit into 4 Rubbermaid bins (the BIG kind). The rest went into shopping bags (all 1000 pairs of your shoes). 😉 I still haven’t gone through your dresser or nightstand. As for regular belongings? Well, I’ve given some of it away to those that I thought may like them. We had a few of your blouses made into teddy bears for the kids and one for your Mom. But that’s about it as far as what’s been dealt with so far.
So I guess my question to myself becomes…….”why do I still have everything after two years”? And I know what everyone says….”in your own time Steve” or “you’ll know when your ready”. But I still find myself wondering sometimes if it’s something more? Am I subconsciously trying to hold on to you? Is there a secret hope that maybe this is all still a dream? Or do I truly just not have the time to do anything with it? And while I can honestly say that time does tend to be a factor. I would then be forced to tell myself that “if I really wanted to do something with them, then I would make the time”. And round and round I go. Welcome to my world. It’ll get done one day. I’m sure of it.
So here in lies yet another question. “What do I do with them when I finally get around to it”? For some reason it just doesn’t seem right to haul it all over to a second hand store and just drop it off. Not saying that would be a bad thing. Just not feeling it at the moment. I’ve tried contacting various different organizations (women’s shelters, “Dress for Success”), but to date, they have all declined the donation. Then there was the thought of selling them, and taking the money to the CF Foundation, or one of the aforementioned charities. Of course, I could be seriously overthinking this all in an effort to hold on to them for just a little bit longer. Who knows.
What I do know is that God is good. And in time, I’ll figure this out also. The kids and I are doing well. Andrew had a great week at school last week. Cost me a new skateboard. But it was well worth it to see him excel in school. Alexys continues to dance, and loves every moment of it. We miss you dearly, and are living life to it’s fullest. I hope you’re enjoying wings. Stop in and say “Hi” sometime.
With all my love……..